I am Weak All Week

Truth time: I am not as strong as I pretend to be.

I’ve been through a lot in my life: I’ve been sexually assaulted. I’ve battled Depression. I was Anorexic for a long time. But I’m not as strong and put together as I wish I was.

Many days, I don’t trust the ground to stand strong under my feet.

Many days, the weight of the burdens I carry is enough to crack my ribs and puncture my lungs.

Many days, I use up all my faith getting out of bed in the morning.

But then there’s God. In my weakness, He is strong.

1 Corinthians 10:13 says, ” No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

Every day we are tempted. My temptations are different than your temptations. My sin is different than your sin. But we are not that different, you and I.

We are both made of atoms and cells and organs. We are both living and breathing. We both inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide.

Every day we are tempted. I am tempted to stay in bed all day, and cut myself off from the world. But everyday I am able to stand up under my temptations, because God has provided a way out.

I sin everyday. I have sinned against myself, and probably at some point, I’ve sinned against you. But I have been forgiven by the perfect forgiveness found in Christ. I have been washed clean by the shedding of his blood.

I am not as strong as I pretend to be.

In fact, if I was chosen to be the modern-day Atlas, you know the guy who has to hold the world up all by himself (talk about the weight of the world being on his shoulders), we’d all be dead. Thankfully, I’m not the chosen one, and thankfully, I don’t have to hold the world up by myself.

I’m not the chosen one. But I am chosen.

You see, I have a God who has chosen me to be a part of His glorious Kingdom. I have  God who knew me before I was born, who knew me before I was even a blip on anybody’s radar. I have  God who has called me to do great things. I have a God who has comforted me in the storm. I have a God who has carried me through the hard times. I have a God who has placed the stars in the sky and knows them by name. I have a God who has seen the inner thoughts of my heart and loves me anyway.

Talk about the unconditional love of a Father.

When I was little, my dad would ask me: “Kaleigh, how many fathers do you have?”

“Two!” I would reply, “I have a Heavenly Father and a Down-here Daddy.”

I am thankful for the both of them.

But I am especialy thankful for my Heavenly Father who is strong enough for the both of us.

Thanksfullgivingness *

*Yes, I am aware it’s a made up word. But there are so many great words contained within its borders, I just had to use it.

Thanks. Thankful. Giving. Full. Thanksgiving. Fullness. Thankfulness.  The way I hope Tom Hanks signs his autograph: T. Hanks.

So many great words, and I hope to touch on most of them in this blog post, but first, can we look at the word thanks. Look at it. Soak it in. It’s such a weird word. It’s one of those words where I second guess the spelling when I write at it–are you a real word?

Anyway, I digress. That was a tangent.

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for all we have, and today my College did exactly that. They held a Chapel where students could get up and tell everybody what they have to be thankful for this year. The only catch was you only had two minutes to do it.

Yeah, no. How can I begin to sum up what I have to be thankful for in 2 minutes? The answer is: I can’t. But, I’m going to try to sum it up here.

I’m thankful for the way God has brought me through so much. I’m thankful for the way the sun rises and sets everyday and the way it paints the sky with all the colors of the wind. I’m thankful for the way the waves refuse to stop kissing the shore no matter how many times it’s sent away.

I’m thankful for my whole family, and everybody’s sense of humor. Speaking of which, I’m thankful for laughter, and how, if you laugh hard enough, you can forget your name and what year it is. I’m thankful for my friends, who they are, and what they’re going to become.

I’m thankful for my overactive writer’s imagination, and the way it plans out all these ridiculous scenarios that will never happen, but I know what I’ll say in case they do. (unless of course a guy talks to me, in which case, I’ll words my over stumble). I’m thankful for the way everything can become a poem if you try hard enough, because the two things I know best in this world are music and poetry.

I’m thankful for the way I can think of a good comeback… 5 minutes too late, but if you ask me for a pun, I’ll be so sharp I’ll be banned from airplanes, which is a shame because 37,000 feet in the air is beautiful.

I’m thankful for the seasons, because just as they change so do I. Spring reminds me of fresh life and beauty. Summer reminds me of all the dreams I have. Fall reminds me that everything beautiful has an end. But ends bring new beginnings. Winter reminds me I’m still alive even on my worst days. Because some days it’s so cold, my lungs feel like they’re on fire, but in those moments, I remember I’m still breathing.

I’m thankful for the beauty of the first snowfall and for Christmas lights and Thanksgiving dinner and for how giving so much can make you feel so full.

I’m thankful for light breezes, because being kissed by the earth reminds me how beautiful this life can be. I’m thankful for rain, because it can wash everything away if you just let it. I’m thankful for the strength to get out of bed in the morning even when I don’t have much faith.

I’m thankful for the phrase, “Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood.” Because I don’t like pancakes that much, but one day, I’ll meet a guy who will make me want to eat pancakes with him.

I’m thankful for language, and the way it can change lives. I’m thankful for the places I’ve been, the memories I’ve created, the relationships I’ve formed.

I’m thankful for my past, because, yes, it hurts, but if I hadn’t gone through it, I wouldn’t have formed the relationships I have, and my life would be a lot less meaningful.

I’m thankful for so many things, and since I can’t number the stars, I can’t list all of them either. But, boy are stars beautiful, and so is life. And that’s what I’m most thankful for anyway: life and all it has to offer.

And so I ask, what are you thankful for?