It’s 4:30 am, and my alarm goes off—
A cruel irony, really.
I haven’t yet slept.
I watched the clock turn Midnight, then 1,2,3,4.
And with each minute that passed, my mind raced faster and faster—
A mile a minute;
A thousand thoughts a second—
A race against time with no clear winner.
“If I fall asleep now, I can get 5 hours of sleep…
It’s been raining all night, and I’ve been awake to hear it.
You’d think after all this time, the tear ducts of Heaven would be all dried up.
(fantasy is often better than reality.)
My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty. . .
. . . there’s nothing my God cannot do.
Apparently, God is so big that his tear ducts draw from a never-ending well.
It’s raining; it’s pouring, the Old Man is snoring…
Wait, nope. That’s just my Dad.
It’s been raining so long and so hard a flash flood warning was issued early this morning while the world was sleeping.
I was awake and read the warning along with the 15 text messages from Twitter.
It’s 4:30 am, and I didn’t need my alarm today.
I watched the numbers on my clock change, counting down the minutes until I need to get out of bed, their faces glowing red as if laughing.
My life isn’t a Cosmic joke.
I only get one [life], and I don’t want to screw it up,
But I’m afraid I already have.
There are no do-overs, no re-runs; I sure could use one.
I don’t know how God is running things up there,
But it seems kind of Laissez-faire.
Divine intervention would be nice right about now—
The future is big, and I’m rather small,
And this whole “I don’t know what I’m doing in life” is getting kind of old.
There was a flash flood warning, and I’m right in the way.
They always tell you:
“In case of a flood, find high ground.
Low places will probably be the hardest hit.”
I’m in a low place right now, and the flood waters are coming.
At least I know how to swim.
Of course, my swimming skills will be about as helpful as the levees of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina.
It’s a nice thought, but practically, it leaves a lot to be desired.
At least it’s the thought that counts.
On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 7. . .
. . . microwaves (which weigh less than 7 elephants).
I’ll take what I can get.
And yet, somehow, despite this weight on my chest, I’m still standing tall.
Right now, I feel as though my world is collapsing around me.
I won’t always feel this way.
Depression is like a Great Flood:
It happens slowly and then all at once.
(They disappear the same way).
It’s 4:30 am; it’s raining, and I haven’t slept.
Sleep makes you feel better when you get it and worse when you don’t.
(it’s kind of like rain that way.)
Last night, when I couldn’t sleep, my thoughts were racing a mile a minute.
When the darkness creeps in, that’s when the enemy line starts firing.
Under cover of darkness, it’s easy to be a brave coward.
Last night I was having deep existential thoughts about life and happiness.
The first thought that entered my mind when I got out of the shower this morning was
“Should I do my hair today, or not?
The rain’s just going to ruin it.” (I did; it might’ve.)
But like, the state of my hair is what I should be concerned with…
Superficiality is only skin-deep; and I want to change the world.
It’s raining here.
There are wildfires out west.
So, tell me how life is fair.
And there’s no peace in the Middle East.
I don’t know how to change the world, but I think love is a good place to start.
Love your enemies, those who disagree with you, those from an opposing political party.
Love your neighbors, those who come into this country to find a better life. We all want a better life in a way.
Love those who are different from you, those whose way of life you may not agree with.
Love them anyway.
Love yourself anyway.
Sometimes you can love too much, and sometimes love is not enough.
But between war and peace, I’ll take my chances with love.
Love makes the world go round in the circle of life,
Everything has a cycle, including water.
Hence, the rain.
I love the rain because it begets life,
And it can make you clean if you just let it.
We could all use a clean slate once in a while.
There was a flash flood warning, and it’s still running, and I’m doing my best to keep smiling.
My Lit Teacher asked the class to list things that die.
I started, “People, animals, plants, hopes, and dreams.”
It’s easy to die.
It’s not always easy to live.
I learned that once.
Because one time I tried to set myself on fire (figuratively, but literally with pills)—
I was a metaphorical Girl on Fire, trying to make myself someone new.
Out of the ashes and with the rain came beauty.
That’s all I wanted, and I’m trying my best not to screw up, to make the most of this second chance at life even when the going gets tough.
There was a flash flood warning.
This flood won’t stop me.
Because it’s all too easy to drown in an ocean of tears, and sometimes we forget we can float in salt water.