The End of a Chapter

The end is near…… of High School, that is. In less than 2 months, I will be walking that stage, receiving my diploma, and saying goodbye to everything that’s been a big part of me for most of my life. It’s symbolic–the end of one chapter, the beginning of another.

Needless to say, I am mostly excited. I am excited to go out into the world and learn new things, to find out who I really am. High School has whittled away a large part of me, until only a fraction of who I am is left. It’s tried to make me fit into this metaphorical box–a perfect box, with perfectly square edges, smooth, and with no imperfections. That’s not me. I have flaws. I have imperfections. I have scars. My dreams, my hopes, my being cannot fit into a box. I am so much more. I have this things I want to do with my life that I can’t do while I’m still in High School. There are things I need to let go of, people that I need to cut from my life. I need to get out, see the world, leave the monotony of High School behind–the repetitive, petty drama, the put-downs, the secret glances, the talking behind your back. I need to fly away from it all. The baggage of it all is weighing me down.

However, despite all the excitement that I have, I am still reluctant. I’ve come to accept the fact that people tend to not like me (solely because they have not gotten to know me, and judge me based predominately on how I look). I’ve learned to conform, blend in with the crowd. I’ve learned the fastest detours, the least crowded hallways, which hallways you have a higher possibility of being stabbed walking down. I’ve learned how to avoid people I don’t want to see. I’ve learned to not make eye contact with those that hate you. I’ve learned that friendships come and friendships go. And I’m comfortable where I’m at. I’m not sure I am ready to take that step after receiving my diploma and start a new chapter.

But the end is near. The final countdown has begun. And my High School career is drawing to a close. But before it ends, before I walk out those doors, I want to share some important lessons with you.

1. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Don’t be afraid to call people out. The people that matter will respect you for it.

2. When people hate you, you must be doing something right. Those who aren’t living, don’t have enemies.

3. Live the life you want to live. Be the person you want to be. People don’t define you.

4. People you talk about you. They will point fingers, whisper, and laugh. Don’t let it get to you. You are worth much more than what they give you.

5. Always hold your head up high. It’s easier to see the beauty in things when you are looking at the sky.

6. It doesn’t matter what people in High School see you as. Most of them won’t remember you 10 years from now.

7. The only people that really matter are those that are there for you when you need them.

8. You can’t trust everyone. And even when you think you can, sometimes they end up hurting you.

9. Popularity is overrated. Being “cool” does not have any merit in the real world.

10. Everybody has a story. We all have hurt we are carrying. Be mindful of it.

11. Always be willing to go out of your way to help someone, even if it’s just holding the door open. It could brighten someone’s day.

12. Laughing until tears stream down your face and you can’t breathe is one of the best feelings in the world.

13. Smile 🙂

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Spoken

I’ve fallen in love….. with Spoken Word Poetry. Over April Break, I discovered the magic that is Spoken Word. Since then, I have been hooked. Spoken Word is different from your average poetry in that it is meant to be told like a story.It’s poetry meant to be performed.

And now I have a confession to make. The main reason I love Spoken Word is because my two favorite things come together: Poetry and Theater. They came together and had a magical baby.

There’s something wonderful about the way words can flow of your tongue, make you feel emotion. The words come alive (not that regular poetry doesn’t do that, but there’s something about the way poetry can be performed to have a whole audience on the edge of their seats). The great thing is that Spoken Word does not have to be in typical poetry form. In can be written however the writer likes. The meaning comes from the words themselves and with the way it is said–the pauses, the inflection, the volume, conviction, the rhythm, all the techniques actors use on stage when performing their lines.

I have this deep seeded belief that poetry should be heard, stories should be told. What better way to do that than to put a story in poetry form and perform it. I also have the belief that everybody should have a voice, and those that know how to use their’s should use it to help those who don’t. Spoken Word, and Poetry in general, is capable of this.

Two of my favorite poets are Phi Kaye, and Sarah Kay. They have inspired me like I’ve never been inspired before. So, I’m going to share with you one of my favorites.

(I apologize for the lack of inspiration in this post, but I needed to post something. So this is what you get).

Perfectly Human

This post has been replaying over and over in my head for a while, and up until a few days ago, it remained unfinished. It’s not that it was hard to finish; it’s that no words seemed quite fitting for such a post. But, I think after much thought, I have just the words to say. 

Since starting this blog, I have stumbled upon many blogs that absolutely blow me away. The emotion that is used, the hurt that is conveyed, makes me inspired. Some of the bloggers are dying. Some of the bloggers are struggling with trying to find who they are. These people say what they are feeling; they say exactly what they think without sugar coating it.

And I wish I could be like them.

I know I have been more verbal about my life story than some. I have been more willing to tell than some would like. But, the part that I’ve shared isn’t my whole story. It’s just the tip of the iceberg. The aftermath has been left unsaid. Cutting. Inner war. Self-bashing. Self-criticism. Nagging questions that have no answer. Being left with feelings of utter bleakness, feelings of hopelessness. It’s as if I’m on a giant water slide, going under water faster than I can catch my breath.

That’s the unsaid part. The day to day feelings. The day to day thoughts. The aftermath.

I’d like to be able to say “You know what? I’m not ok. I’m not. Today, I had this thought about myself. Today, I had this thought about people…” without the fear of being judged by my peers, without the fear of retribution, or being viewed as less of a person.

For one day, I wish I could be more like these other bloggers who unabashedly share their stories, their heart, their cynicism, the doubts.

I know I’m not the only one out there that wishes they could be more open. In today’s world, people are judged for every little thing. Society’s standards are tough to live up to. And one of the worst feelings in the world is the feeling of being judged, of disappointing or not living up to standards. Which, in my opinion, is absolutely ridiculous.

We’re all human. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all have regrets. And to be judged for having faults, for being human is one of the worst things.

We all have struggles. Some are more verbal about their struggles than others, but that doesn’t make the silent struggles any less real, any less difficult to deal with.

So, I urge you, put yourself into others’ shoes. Walk a mile in their shoes. See life through their eyes. Or at least be a little more cautious, keeping in mind that the person you walk by in the hall way that you are so quick to judge is struggling with something.

Because we are all human. We are all imperfect. We are all perfectly imperfect.